Ask Others, Trust Yourself by Elisa Balabram

When growing your love for yourself, it is important to practice receiving: a compliment, a gift, an acknowledgement, support, love.

How often when someone compliments you, do you stop to connect with your heart, fully take it in, and say thank you? Or instead, how often do you say after receiving a specific compliment - thanks, BUT… I haven’t washed my hair in days; or I got this at a thrift shop or this old thing?; or I was just doing my job; or don’t mention it…? When receiving a gift or when someone pays for dinner, do you tend to say: you shouldn’t have; or there is no need for it; or this is too much, and I can’t accept it…?

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Saying no and setting boundaries are crucial to any self-love practice. If you have difficulty saying no, and you are constantly overwhelmed, overbooked, and exhausted, it is time to make a change. Take some time to set your priorities and schedule time to get the important things done, time to focus, time for yourself, time for your family, and time for your friends, and then affirm the time that is non-negotiable. This will be the time for you, and for your own projects, and you will no longer be saving it to be filled by someone else’s needs. If you are available and you want to do it because it feels good to you, it is fine, but if you are doing it because you can’t say no, it is time to change.

You can start small to practice saying no to things that do not have any major consequence to you or to others involved, like saying no when someone hands you a flyer on the street. You can then start moving on to choosing when to say yes and when to say no in your life. Keep in mind that you may face some resistance at first, by those who are used to you saying yes at all times. You could let them know that you are practicing honoring your time and your needs.

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The Success Journal will help you keep track of every time you achieve something special, and it is a great self-love practice. You can start by looking back through 2013 and writing down what you consider your major successes. Then, make a point to add to the list every time you overcome an obstacle, meet or surpass a milestone, achieve a goal.

The successes can include simple things such as:

• Did the dishes
• Arrived on time to all meetings
• Cleaned the house
• Started a success journal
• Wrote an outline of a business plan/book/project
• De-cluttered one drawer
• Went to the gym once a month
• Asked for help before things got out of control
• Called a friend
• Took one small step towards achieving a major goal

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I was talking to a friend who lives in Brazil, and after I mentioned the weather in New York, I asked her a suggestion for today’s self-love practice. Her response was “how can you practice it when it is freezing outside?” That’s a very good question, considering that I’m not a big fan of winter. But it did prompt me to write that having a high quality and tasty tea with family and/or friends would be nice.

So, if you are by yourself, with family, or you can invite friends over, take a moment to prepare the best tea you have in the house, serve it on your fancy tea set, truly savor it and enjoy the company.

If you are reading this and you live in a warm climate, either have some ice tea instead, or enjoy a milkshake with friends and/or family.

Have you ever stopped yourself from pursuing something you knew you were meant to do because someone said:

• You can’t do it.
• You are supposed to do it this way, not your way.
• The timing doesn’t seem right for you to be successful on this.
• This format doesn’t work unless you have ABC in place, which you don’t.
• It’s too expensive.
• It’s going to take so much work.
• And so on…

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Take a moment to enjoy this quote by Lao Tzu: “Kindness in words creates confidence. Kindness in thinking creates profoundness. Kindness in giving creates love.”

Today as a self-love practice, remember to show kindness to yourself and to others. Be kind to yourself with your self-talk, with your time, with setting boundaries, with using mantras, and with breathing deeply. Be kind to others with a smile, kind words, a small or a big gesture.

This video by Life Vest Inside - Kindness Boomerang - "One Day" shows simple and profound gestures of kindness:

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On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your overall love for yourself in this moment?

Your answer is the first number that came to mind. If it was a 10, and you were truly honest with yourself, awesome! Keep doing what you are doing. If you didn’t give yourself a 10, take a closer look and check which aspects of your self and life need most attention. And remind yourself that we are all a work in progress.

I suggest that you consider when you are truly loving yourself, and when you are are not. You can simply ask yourself the questions I raise here, or you could rate your self-love for each bullet point:

• The relationships you surround yourself with – are they mostly enriching or draining your life? If they are draining it, maybe consider doing something about it. – Expressing your needs and setting boundaries are key self-love practices that could start shifting those relationships.

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How was it for you yesterday to focus on being in the moment? Did you have any interesting experiences? Ideally, you would keep practicing it every day.

As today’s self-love practice, ask yourself: How can I nurture my soul? Or what can I do for myself?

Here are a few suggestions:

• Taking one hour lunch break for a change
• Leaving work 15 minutes earlier than usual
• Taking a bath
• Spending quality time with family and/or friends

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Today as you continue to honor yourself and to mindfully engage in self-love, try to practice being in the moment. Every time you can remember, clear your thoughts, let go of the mind chatter, and focus on the task at hand.

You could begin by paying attention as you brush your teeth, and by actually feeling the brush touch the teeth and being aware of the movements you make. The same thing could be applied to getting dressed and preparing breakfast. If you need to walk up or down the stairs, focus on the steps, the body movement, the weight shifting from one foot to the next, the energy within your body, without thinking about where you are going, your next appointment, or what you are going to do later.

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