Elisa Balabram - Ask Others, Trust Yourself by Elisa Balabram

On September 14, 2023

During one of my morning meditations last week, I heard this message – It’s time. When I reflected on what it meant, I realized it meant that it is time to start posting on this site again. Here I am. Yet, I feel the need to share what I have been up to since the last blog I posted was in the summer of 2020.

I haven’t gone anywhere, at least not away from the computer for long periods. In the past three years, without posting here, I journaled daily, wrote a case study about my family’s business that got published, coauthored an academic book, and left a 10.5-year career in academia. A bit over a year ago, I moved west with my husband and started attending an MFA in Creative Writing and Poetics at the University of Washington - Bothell. Earlier this year, my father passed away, and I’m grateful to have been with him the month before. In the past year, I wrote about my father, I wrote assignments, and I conducted writing experiments that exceeded my comfort zone on many occasions. It has not been much time without writing, although I did not post here.

Inequalities, Racism, Self-love, Action

On July 6, 2020

“If I think of you as somehow different from me, if I think that I'm Tibetan, I'm Buddhist, an Easterner, I'm a monk or even something grand like His Holiness the Dalai Lama, this kind of thinking automatically creates a gap between us. It results in a sense of unease. On the other hand, if I consider you as another human being, just like me, then that source of anxiety disappears.” Dalai Lama (Retrieved from Facebook post on July 4^th 2020)

Black Lives Matter My heart, together with hearts all around the world, feels for all Black Lives. How they are treated, and how the system is set up to hinder their opportunities from birth, [NY Times article]; how police have at times been trained to treat humans differently based on skin color; and how laws, and policies have not been enough to protect their rights. It is also alarming how the Coronavirus is further demonstrating racial inequalities in Black and Latinx communities [NY Times article].

A home activity: paint a T-shirt

On March 21, 2020

Here is a creative activity to do on your own, with roommates, with the kids, or even virtually with a friend. I often write about my adventures painting shoes and clothes, and I thought it would be fun to share my process with you.

Ingredients:

Fabric ink or silkscreen paint – available at local art shops. If they are closed, check if you could buy from them online. I believe at least Michaels is still shipping products.
A piece of thick cardboard
Clips
A T-shirt you don’t mind painting on
Paint brushes
A plastic container with water (mine had ice cream once)
A sketchbook or pad
A pencil
Uplifting music
This paint dries quickly, make sure to wear an apron and/or clothes you don’t mind getting paint on.

Take a Joy Inventory

On December 30, 2019

What brings you joy? Before the year ends, how about taking a moment to reflect on all the joyful moments you had throughout the year? A few days ago, I was talking to a friend, who said that he was ready for the year to end. There were several worrisome things happening throughout the year, and he was hoping the new year would be different. When I asked about a few serious concerns from the previous year, he mentioned that all is well, and acknowledged that there were some blessings this year. I don’t think my friend is alone in focusing on the things that were hard, and when adding them up, it becomes even more painful.

Throughout the year, I thought about what brings me joy, as things got tough for different reasons: health, life, work, stress, loud inner critic, etc., and I wanted to add joy to my heart and soul. I reminded myself of what one of my teachers Robert Baker (RIP), used to say: energy follows attention. If we are giving attention to what’s not working, there will be more energy going that way, and it will likely grow.

Authenticity and its Insecurities

On August 26, 2019

Hand painted shirts

I have been painting my clothes for several years now. It started with painting shoes, than T-shirts, and dresses. (Some samples in this post’s image). My needs for authenticity, contribution, being seen, and self-expression are all met when I paint and when I wear my art. It also inspires others to do the same, and I’m always excited to share the process and tools.

Last year, when I got engaged, I wasn’t sure exactly what my wedding dress would look like, but I was sure I wanted to paint it. When friends asked about my wedding dress, I shared my intention. I received some support and some criticism about it. Both relevant but it didn’t matter. The decision had been made. It was hard to find a dress that I would be willing to paint, until a dear friend recommended a local shop in Brooklyn that makes custom dresses. I chose the high/low shape I wanted, and the dress was ready about five weeks before the wedding.

This Will Also Change

On December 18, 2018

Snow

I attended the 10-day silent Vipassana retreat last December in Shelburne Falls, MA. It was an incredibly hard and wonderful experience. If you don’t know about it, and would like to learn more, I recommend you visit their website at dhamma.org.

The meditation and Vipassana teachings are provided through recordings of the teacher S. N. Goenka. And one of the phrases he repeats and reminds us of, is that “This will also change”. Everything in life, or within us is impermanent.

Although there were many lessons, transformational experiences, and stories, the one I’m feeling most compelled to share is about nature.

Dealing with Unmet Expectations

On September 21, 2018

Water

I signed up for a 6-day Intuitive Art painting class this Summer. I missed the first class, and attended the following four weeks, choosing to miss the last one. When I showed up for the second class (my first), the teacher showed a slide show of water images, piers, waves, etc, and she also asked us to close our eyes for a moment and let go of our day. Then, we could start painting water, and there were no instructions beyond that.

I had imagined that an Intuitive Art class would include deeper connections to one’s intuition. Perhaps a longer meditation time, ways to deepen our relationship with water for that specific class, and tips on how to use one’s intuition. I wondered if the main intuitive tool was taught during the class I missed. The directions were minimum to none, and therefore I chose to paint a waterfall I visited with my sister and friends in January. While I was painting it, I realized that I probably wasn’t using so much of my intuition, I was following pre-learned techniques and the usual way I’ve painted to date.

Sending light to those consumed by hate

On September 29, 2017

Light I committed myself to 30 days of meditation – filling my body with light and sending that light through my right hand outward, to anyone who had radical views, who had so much hate in them, who felt disempowered, and whose only solution available to their awareness is to attack.

About the same time I made the commitment – I read an article criticizing “spiritual” people for sending love as not enough. A famous spiritual leader also did a video, which I watched on my Facebook wall, sharing her view that it wasn’t nearly enough to do so.

I thought about not doing it, but then I’d be doing nothing at all. And in reality it’s not all I did or do (more later). So although part of me had all the inner battles of my responses to the article and video, I stayed committed. Each day light was sent out to anyone who could possibly need light in their lives that day – Each day with a different intuitive message. I didn’t keep track of them all, but here are some examples of where the light was going, and the intentions behind it:

Connecting with different cultures and satisfying many needs

On August 19, 2017