As you plan to attend family events, holiday parties, and end of the year celebrations, do you feel joyful and happy, or do you feel contracted, stressed, worried, and somewhat fearful of what might happen?
If you are thinking about what happened last year, or how things “usually” go at these events, take the time to set yourself up for a different outcome this year.
The first step is to prepare yourself emotionally, and not to simply show up either hoping/wishing for a certain outcome, or already expecting that it will be awful. Next, consider what would be the best for you – some possibilities: not to show up at all, show up ready to fight, show up to have a good time, or show up to be present, and ready to give and receive love. There is no right or wrong answer, it is all about you deciding the experience you prefer to have, and then preparing for it ahead of time. Third, once you know how you would like to feel and what would be the best option for you, practice.
I had a holiday party to attend and I knew I was going to see some friends, but I also knew there could be a few people that would trigger me, make me uncomfortable, and that it would be difficult to see them. I didn’t want to set up myself for failure, or to be feeling anxious and stressed out until the event. Therefore, I prepared in advance, which completely shifted my energy and my emotional state.
Here is how I prepared and you can too:
- Be aware: I acknowledged to myself that there was a high possibility that they would be there. What do you need to be honest with yourself about in terms of this particular event and who may be there?
- Feel feelings: I went through the feelings that came up as I faced the possible situation. What feelings come up when you think of the event?
- Visualize: I meditated and visualized connecting through my heart space with their heart space. How can you start establishing a connection even before attending the event?
- Let go: I practiced letting go of the negative feelings I was still caring about them, and I worked on forgiveness within myself, towards myself and towards them. (If you are not ready to forgive yet, focus on how the energy within the relationship can be shifted at this point.) What do you still need to let go of?
- Decide to have a good time: I decided that I didn’t want to deal with any tension that might have still existed between us, at least not at the party. What would you like to experience at the event?
- Prepare light conversation starters: I came up with a few small-talk topics of conversation. Based on what you know, what are some interests the other person might be excited to talk to you about?
- Ask for help: I contacted a close friend whom I knew would attend it, and I shared my feelings with her. She provided the support I needed. Just by sharing my feelings and anxiety about it, helped to move the energy within me. Who can be there for you before and during the event?
- Set intentions: I set the intention before I left home to be fully present, to connect with others, to allow myself to give and receive love. What intention would you set for yourself?
- Release: I released any attachment I had about the outcome of the event, and I showed up present, with an open heart and clear mind. How can you release your intention, so that it can be created?
I’m happy to say that I showed up prepared and I’m glad I did, since those I was concerned about seeing again were there. My friend, with whom I shared my feelings in advance, showed her support and strength as soon as I walked in the apartment. When I saw them, I smiled and gave them a hug – and I did it authentically. I did not need to fake anything, as I had done the release in advance. I used the conversation starters I had planned, and I also did not spend much time talking to them, as I chose instead to focus on those whom I went there to see and hang out with. Since I showed up ready, I truly had a fabulous time, and went back home smiling and with great memories of the evening.
It still feels incredible. Had I not taken the time to prepare myself, I would have set myself up for disaster, for anger, for resentment. Instead, I went prepared to have a lovely evening and indeed I did.
Have you made your choice of how you’d like to feel yet? I recommend that you prepare, and if all else fails, have an exit strategy, plan for what you are going to say if things are not feeling as you planned, and honor yourself and your needs by leaving early.
May you show up prepared and ready to have a great time. Enjoy and Have Fun!
Namaste,
Elisa
PS. There is still time to join me this Friday for the Experiential Self-love Meditation and Workshop.
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