Dealing with Unmet Expectations

Water

I signed up for a 6-day Intuitive Art painting class this Summer. I missed the first class, and attended the following four weeks, choosing to miss the last one. When I showed up for the second class (my first), the teacher showed a slide show of water images, piers, waves, etc, and she also asked us to close our eyes for a moment and let go of our day. Then, we could start painting water, and there were no instructions beyond that.

I had imagined that an Intuitive Art class would include deeper connections to one’s intuition. Perhaps a longer meditation time, ways to deepen our relationship with water for that specific class, and tips on how to use one’s intuition. I wondered if the main intuitive tool was taught during the class I missed. The directions were minimum to none, and therefore I chose to paint a waterfall I visited with my sister and friends in January. While I was painting it, I realized that I probably wasn’t using so much of my intuition, I was following pre-learned techniques and the usual way I’ve painted to date.

Rock

Before the second class I attended, the teacher emailed asking us to bring bling, twigs, bark, to create a mixed media intuitive art piece. The syllabus also mentioned magazine clippings and I bought a couple of magazines (which helped in another class I attended but not this one). I went to the garden and got leaves and tiny branches to incorporate in the painting. But again, there weren’t many instructions. The teacher showed us YouTube videos of mixed media – some were of artists gluing fabric to their canvases, others were using stencils of different shapes, and there wasn’t much to it. At least it didn’t seem like it to me. My frustration grew, as I imagined I could search on YouTube myself and find videos that could further help me at that time.

The syllabus asked us to imagine a place, paint it and then share it with the classmates, although there was no mention of it in class. I thought of one of my teachers, Robert Baker, RIP, taking us into a guided meditation to a garden and suggesting we find a rock to sit on and connect to our inner child. I imagined painting the rock I visualized during this meditation, and I tried to do it.

Would I have done better with more guidance? I think so. Was the teacher doing her job by not giving us more instructions? Probably yes, since we are supposed to follow our intuition. My first intuition during that class, was to leave and not come back. But instead I started painting, a bit annoyed with the whole situation, but my classmates didn’t seem to mind.

I was excited to attend the following class, as we were going to learn the impasto technique, which until then I hadn’t heard of. The teacher showed us a few videos of artists using the technique and demonstrated how to mix glue with baby powder. One of the videos showed someone painting beautiful flowers, and I thought I got it. When I started painting, my frustration grew, as I didn’t get the consistency of the glue/powder/paint right, and it was clear I didn’t know what I was doing. My work was awful. Since the syllabus had instructions to create a piece expressing a feeling, a favorite color, or anything else, I decided my piece was going to be called Anger. I attempted to add red “leaves” to it, trying to express my feelings by continuing to ruin the painting. I decided to draw two butterflies, at the top right, imagining that in the end there is always a chance for redemption. I will probably paint over it someday, although an artist friend suggested I do a series of paintings on feelings and see what happens. When I showed the teacher the anger piece, and shared how I was feeling, she responded with – you just learned this technique, don’t be so hard on yourself, it will get better.

Anger

For the fifth class, we were asked to either select or write a Haiku and use it as inspiration for our painting. The teacher also explained during the previous class, that we would be painting and preparing a canvas to mount a picture of ourselves during the last class. I decided to follow my intuition and skip the sixth and last class. It felt empowering, and right away I planned what I would paint at the next class. I found a video of someone creating a collage of photos using mod podge, and I decided to buy mod podge, and glue pictures of my fiancé’s proposal and our engagement to it. I arrived early to class, didn’t wait for the suggestions to start, painted the canvas with acrylic ink, and glued the photos using the technique I learned from a YouTube video. It is by far my favorite painting, maybe for obvious reasons? 🙂

Dahlias and Haiku

The following week, at the time of the last class, I sat at the garden at home and painted. I had attended a Nature Writing class as well, and we had the opportunity to visit a garden each week and write. One of the homework assignments was to write a Haiku. I decided to paint the dahlias that had been my inspiration for four weeks at that class, and I included one of the haikus I wrote. Maybe not going to class, and following my intuition to create, made my work better?

Some takeaways:

• High expectations aren’t helpful. I made up a story about what an intuitive art class would be about, or how I would teach it. And it was harder to enjoy class because my, perhaps unrealistic, expectations weren’t met.
• Letting go of expectations is hard. I could have since the beginning, paused and tried to connect to my intuition using my own tools, but I didn’t. Instead, I felt frustrated during several classes.
• Staying open to what is would be best. It would likely have made the class more enjoyable, as I am now appreciative of the efforts to have tried new techniques. I also had no expectations for the Nature Writing class and had the most wonderful experience.
• Actually following one's intuition is empowering. When I finally decided to paint on my own, all the frustrations were gone, and I was able to enjoy the painting process.

Additional lessons I remind myself of:

• Trust yourself.
• Be kind to yourself (paraphrasing the teacher).
• Don’t wait for others to live up to the story you imagined. Create your own story.
• Keep showing up with an open mind and heart.
• Take responsibility for your experience.
• The benefits may be hiding below the surface.

Hidden benefits:

• By noticing how frustrated I felt, I had an idea to challenge my own students to take control of their experience in my class. How could they make it the most interesting? The semester is going well so far.
• Being inspired to write this article, and for that I’m grateful.
• If the intuitive art class had met my overall expectations, I’d have missed some of the lessons and its hidden benefits, including tools to allow myself the freedom to feel frustrated.

How can you stay open to new experiences without expectations? What would the experience feel like? What tools do you use to keep your expectations in check? Feel free to comment below.