How about if as today’s self-love practice, you put emphasis on what’s positive and loving in your life, and less emphasis on what’s not working? How about if you transform any negative feedback you ever got, into positive action to make it happen? This is the choice I’m making today, and here are two episodes that happened to me on the same evening.
I’m taking a 6-week Creative Writing class, as one of my investing in myself self-love practices, and this happened on the third class. Unfortunately, though not surprisingly, I received less than encouraging feedback from our first assignment that was due on the second class. When I first read it, I thought maybe I will never be a creative writer after all, or my brain is just not wired that way. Then I decided to shift my thinking, and have hopes that maybe when the course is over, I will have learned enough to shift my brain, to practice, and to write creatively. Even though I’m not avoiding the feelings that came up from reading her feedback, or from the way I interpreted it, I’m choosing to be grateful for something that happened before the class.
On the subway on my way to the class, I oddly didn’t feel like playing games on my phone, or checking emails, or reading, I just wanted to stay present in the moment. This choice allowed me to notice a man sitting on the other side of the aisle. I was sitting facing forward, and he was sitting on those center-facing seats, and neither of us needed to turn too much to see each other. He was tapping his fingers, and since that’s something I sometimes do, and since he was transmitting a nice energy, I paid attention. He had his in-ear headphone on and I wasn’t sure if he was tapping as an EFT practice, or if he was playing what he was listening to on his fingers somehow. Soon after I noticed him, an older gentleman pulling a shiny silver 4-wheeled carry-on luggage walked in and sat next to him. The older man asked him for help, showed him the address he wanted to go to, and asked him for subway directions. I couldn’t be sure but it did not seem like English was his first language. While they were having this conversation, I kept telling him in my mind, please help him. He took off the in-ear plugs, listened, and gave him a couple of options. The gentleman thanked him but still appeared a little confused, and asked for additional clarification. He responded that he was also going to transfer there, and he could follow him. I was touched when he said that, as I felt like we had a connection, and it is not always the case that someone is willing to help, or that the person is patient enough to transcend language barriers.
I had my fingers from one hand touching the fingers of my other hand without the palms touching each other, and later I saw that his hands were touching the same way. At this point I knew that he had noticed me as well, and I avoided looking that way. I imagined they would transfer at the stop I often (except for that night) transfer at. And they indeed got up and ready to get off at that stop. To my surprise, or delight, when he got to the door, before the subway stopped, he looked at me, and we made eye contact. Neither of us turned away! I smiled, and he smiled. I couldn’t resist it and I waved. I don’t think he waved back, and I couldn’t tell if he did, since I could only see his face as there was someone else standing next to him. After he got off the subway, I looked to see if he would look at me and he did! I smiled and he smiled, so I started laughing, and the subway moved. We didn’t exchange any words, but the eye contact and smile showed that we acknowledged each other’s wonderful presence. It’s not likely that I will ever see him again, but it felt really great to have that exchange in the moment.
Although I agree with my teacher’s comments about my writing style, it was hard not to receive any positive reinforcement that I could learn creative writing. However, I’m making a choice to focus on the positive experience I had before class, and to also trust that with practice I will get there. I already added some additional details to the story I just shared, incorporating some of the learnings from her teachings.
In the past, I would be focusing on the feedback I received, feeling really bad about myself, and having a writer’s block. Through the self-love practice, I know that this would not be productive or helpful at all. If in the end, I can’t really do it, I will simply write with my own “writing with an accent” style, knowing that I just love to write, and this is my voice. And, just for today, I’m choosing to focus on the energy connection I had on the subway. I’m also choosing to trust that with practice, and if I really want to, I can someday become a creative writer. Most of all, I’m choosing to keep writing.
How do you choose where to focus on? And if you receive harsh criticism, can you still find ways to encourage yourself to keep going, and pursue your dreams, or do you have a tendency, like I used to, to end up stuck?
Namaste,
Elisa
PS. My understanding is that if I was writing a creative piece, I wouldn’t have included my teacher’s feedback. I would only have shared the subway story, and would have shared additional detailed information.
PS2. Thank you for reading and for being patient with my writing journey.
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